I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
