just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
