apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
