i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
