Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
