There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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