A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
