I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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