I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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