i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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