They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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