he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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