brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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