I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
