need another drink. this is the easiest way
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can tuck mytits in my pants
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
