Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
