and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
