i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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