I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
