She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
