i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
