Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
