why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
