God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
