I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
