just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
