As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
