I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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