Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
