listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and she was petting her beer can
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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