i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
