Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
