I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
