I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My vagina just clenched in fear
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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