i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
