I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
