the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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