When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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