You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
