Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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