I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
