I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
