i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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