just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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