Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
