After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The best revenge is premature balding
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
