we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
