I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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