I feel like abortions should bother me more
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The adults are the big ones right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
