I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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