Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
