I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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