Apparently you make a good broom.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
