This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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