we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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