What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
