I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
