Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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