worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
