she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
