I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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