Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
