Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
