How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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