Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
