i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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