If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
