Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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