he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
