dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
