Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
