Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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