a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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