I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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